MARRIAGE SERIES: KEEPING YOUR SPACE IN YOUR MARRIAGE by Nkeiru Uchendu Mokwe

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Topic 2

Marriage is a complex institution, in the sense that there is no one formular for it. What works for one may not work for the other. God’s main idea in creating this institution was companionship. But unfortunately this core value of the institution is being relegated to the back ground in most unions. In some marriages today companionship appears to be the least concern of the parties particularly the men. What the fail to understand is how this destroys the fabrics of the union. It might appear as if it doesn’t matter maybe because the woman is not complaining. Do not deceive yourself, it does, and of course a whole lot. A neglected wife dies by instalment.

The utmost desire of every woman in getting married is being cherished by a devoted husband. Every woman loves attention and and the feeling or knowledge that she is the woman in her husband’s life and non else. When a man chooses to spend more time outside with friends as against being with the wife, he lays a bad foundation for his union. Most times I wonder within me what it is that will make a man marry a woman he will not be proud and happy to be with. ParticularIy from the beginning of the marriage when nothing has gone wrong yet. I tell you the truth, it’s not worth it. Anyone who does that simply punishes himself. In my counselling duties I tell young people and parents alike never to force themselves or their daughters on anyone.

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From experience marriage is a long time journey, if you are sincere to yourself, it’s punishment to make the wrong choice. I have had occasions of counselling parents against forcing their daughters on a man because she is pregnant. The pain and agony you will go through as a parent seeing your daughter being mistreated can better be imagined than experienced not to talk of that of the daughter in question.

WHAT HAPPENS IF THERE IS LACK OF COMPANIONSHIP IN YOUR MARRIAGE.

This is one of the worst things that can happen to any marriage. In some marriages you see women being attached unduly to their children. This is because there are the only people they can call theirs. Largely because the men in such marriages are never there and even when they are, they rather chose to chat with their friends on phone than spend time with their spouses. They hardly make out time to take their wives out but will chose to go on outings with all manner of girls who can not march their wives in any way. They act as if to say any other thing but her.

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The best thing any woman who finds herself in a situation as this should do is firstly, to cultivate a deep relationship with God. This I tell you is one sure way not to fail. Then think of positive things you have interest in and involve in them. And surround yourself with godly friends.
We shall draw a lesson from the lives of a very powerful couple in the western world. The wife in this union learnt to keep her space because she is one woman who understood the type of man she is married to and this earned her, her husband’s admiration. I watched a video where their relationship was discussed and you can infer that one thing working for her in the union is the fact that she knows where to draw the line and she does and maintains it. Some men are like that and it keeps me wondering why they still want a woman around them.

According to that video the couple maintains their space. And now in their new position where they live under public glare, they share the same room but not the same bed. According to the husband he likes the fact that he has never heard his wife pass gas this makes him happy. Then if I may ask, what is companionship? What are the sacred things spouses share in common? I duff my hat for this beautiful lady. I’m convinced this won’t be what she actually wanted but being in the relationship she has to make choices that will make it work. Wise woman!!!! Others would have spent their time nagging and never making anything out of the union.

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We as women must learn from this. I’m not in anyway advocating for space keeping in marriage because is one sure way to allow intruders into your union but If you do not want to walk away from your marriage, make choices that will create conducive atmosphere for its success, surely though, not at the expense of your life. Life does not always give us what we desire but if it throughs a lemon on you, make a lemonade of it. The bottom line is to be happy wherever you are irrespective of the situation.
But I must emphasis, avoid marrying someone you know you do not love enough to spend your life time with irrespective of the circumstance, there is no sympathy in marriage. It’s a life time decision that determines so many other things about you. Always remember that companionship is the bedrock of a happy union.