MARRIAGE SERIES: WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN THAT UNION? By Nkeiru Uchendu Mokwe

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Topic 1

As a married person, your primary duty in your union is to identify your purpose in it. When you identify your purpose in your union, every other thing falls into place. It helps you focus on achieving that purpose, because you will be working with a mindset that you are pursuing a purpose and will never be aimless which is the bern of most people in their marriages, as many go into marriage with no Idea of what they intend to achieve in it. Worst still while in it, they are still unable to identify why God allowed them to go into the union. They feel they are there by chance since they had no plan from the on set. You can go into a union unplanned, nevertheless the creator of the heaven and the earth who knows the beginning to the end
allowed you to enter there because he wants to use you to achieve something therein. So have you identified that thing he wants to use you to achieve?

HOW DO YOU IDENTIFY YOUR PURPOSE?
To identify your purpose, you must go to God in prayers. He being the custodian of all knowledge will reveal it to you one way or the other. When you receive this knowledge from God it’s not a guarantee that you will succeed. It’s just a working tool which will aid you if you desire to succeed. The bible enjoins us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. So also are we expected to work out our marriages.
Marriage I must point out is hard work, that requires all hands in the union to be on deck. It’s not what a man leaves for his wife alone as is very common in our society, thereby subjecting the woman to all manner of emotional stress. It requires conscious collaboration of both parties for it to succeed. When you identify your purpose your marriage will stand the test of time because every union is susceptible to diverse temptations. The knowledge you have concerning your purpose in your union will help you overcome the storm unlike one who is aimlessly involved.
When you identify your purpose in your union, you have to be focus on that. You don’t join the bandwagon in doing what they do, knowing that you are pursuing a goal which is your purpose in that marriage. Before you do anything you have to consider the consequences of your action bearing in mind the man or woman you are married to. Spouse A’s reaction to a particular situation might not be spouse B’s reaction to the same situation. Therefore parties to a union must be influenced by their peculiar circumstances rather than copying others. And most times people are insincere when it comes to relationships. Everyone tries to present a perfect picture of their marriages. That way it’s very dangerous to copy them. They simply play to the gallery making you believe they are what they are not. That is why it is important to identify your purpose and run with it. It will be foolhardy for a woman to go home with all the stories she hears in a hair dressing salon. Worst still if she ever tries to implement them in her home. She might end up digging her own grave if she does. So also is it, if a man takes home all he discusses over a bottle of drink with his friends. Some friends might end up giving you advises they do not have the liver to implement in their own homes. When you take such advises you end up destroying your own home. Be original, be you, no two marriages are the same.

In identifying your purpose you must learn not to be too quick to speak. When you bridle your tongue in your union you bring out virtues in your partner. Gone are the days when only women nag, lately men nag more than women. It’s important you are not the nagging partner. The danger in nagging is it waters down the value of your words. Thereby reducing the importance attached to it, but if you are a constructive and articulated speaker more attention will be given to your words. Your nagging attitude can make your spouse switch off mentally when you speak and end up not hearing what you say not to talk of paying attention to it. And this disrupts the flow of communication in a union which is a dangerous trait to a successful marriage.
Also note that patience is a priceless virtue in a successful marriage. Lack of patience has destroyed so many homes. Patience is not a one sided virtue. It’s important both in the man as well as the woman. No matter the magnitude of the offence committed by your partner you are enjoined to exercise patience in handling it. When you do, you will notice that, that crime that appeared so horrendous in the first instance might not be in a later time. Patience particularly saves marriages at the early stage when each spouse is trying to understand the other.

Also worthy of mention is our reactions in the feat of anger in our marriages. A lot of people are victims of this. We tend to over react and thereby worsening the situation. To achieve your purpose in your marriage you have to be slow to act. Take some time to think before you act. Actions should not precede our thoughts rather it should be the other way round. Most marriages that hit the rock won’t have, if the parties reacted differently. No matter how grievous the crime of your partner appears at first instance, take out time to think about it before reacting, to be sure you are doing what you would have done in the circumstance, which should be what you will not regret tomorrow. This is not always easy but it’s doable so try it. Besides there is no sin beyond pardon.
Always repeat your purpose in your marriage to yourself regularly as a guide. When you do you will see that you can readily over come the urge to go contrary to it. This will be very useful to the temperamental partners who abuses their spouses. It will help you realise that your purpose in that union is not to batter your spouse whether physically, emotionally, mentally or otherwise.
Therefore identifying ones purpose in marriage is a sine qua non of a successful marriage.

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